More of the same

Even though I haven’t posted in a few days, the blog is always somewhere in the back of my mind. I’ve mentioned to Vixen how everything funny that happens to me just turns into fodder for the blog, but it also creates a sense of pressure as well. I get self-conscious about what will be interesting enough for my readers, or whether I’m being too self-indulgent. But I figure that I already have one place in my life where I am self-conscious about what I say, and that place is called graduate school. The blog is supposed to be fun, and I’m not going to turn it into another place where I have to censor myself. So, TA DA: here’s another post about what I’ve been up to lately.

As the post title implies, things have been pretty standard lately. I spent the weekend having entirely too much fun – ala dancing on Friday, making breakfast with L on Saturday then going out to dinner with H., L., and Sunshine Saturday night, followed by watching The Notebook, and on Sunday I went to Nashua to visit with my uncles. The worst part of the weekend was when I had to drive out to Medford to get my laptop (which I had stupidly left in my uncle’s car). I was almost hit twice, my check engine light came on, and I had the standard freak out that I have when driving on the Mass Pike and through the tunnels.

When I emerged from my reckless procrastination on Monday, I made a list of everything that I have to do over the next two weeks. It’s not pretty, folks. I’ve never felt this stressed with a month still left in the semester. There have definitely been moments this year where I’ve forgotten that I’m a graduate student. I’ve had a ton of fun but it doesn’t bode well for being a superstar student over the next few weeks. I think I’ve forgotten exactly how to do that. I can dance my ass off and throw back the beers, but I’m not so sure that I still know what it means to write an insightful literary analysis.

With all the pressure that comes along with finishing up a semester, it’s easy to forget about the fact that I’m only going to be a graduate student for another month and a half. If I wanted to, I could just focus on getting over this hump and diving into the same summer job that I’ve had for the past six summers, but unfortunately, I have to deal with the reality of the fact that I need an actual job and a means to paying off my monstrous student loans. It seems a bit dangerous to use the strategy: “do one thing at a time.” Doing one thing at a time isn’t going to support my ass (or my now raging coffee addiction). So I’ve been trying to get all this job application stuff in order. It’s really scary not to know what I’m doing in September, but I’m looking forward to moving on.

But it’s still hard not to yearn (just a little bit) for the carefree days of undergrad when I talk to my students or walk across campus. My mom would tell you that I’ve spent most of my life wanting to be an adult, but now that it’s actually here I wouldn’t mind regressing…just for a little while.