Make it stop

I’ve been having what I call a craptacular week.

Pulling my back out over the weekend really set the tone. I’m still in quite a bit of pain and am having a hard time sleeping and getting around.

On Monday I found out that the mother of a close friend passed away. She’s been battling cancer over the years. It’s sad, and my heart goes out to my friend and her family. I’ve realized, too, that I haven’t yet figured out how to be there for people when they lose a loved one. It’s so difficult. Everything seems too empty, and I never know if I should give the person space or not. I hate the feeling that I am f*cking things up at a time when it matters so much.

On Tuesday my parent’s dog went into have what we thought were cysts removed. My stepfather called me to tell me that she has cancer and that it has progressed rather quickly. The vet took out everything that she could, and she thinks she got it all, but there’s no telling whether or not she’ll make it for another month or six. I love that dog so much. She has the best temperament.

I drove home on Tuesday after work to see her. I wanted to make sure that I got to see her at least one more time, because we don’t know how much time she has left.

I drove back yesterday to teach at the other university and to go to the visitation services for my friend’s mom. The funeral is this afternoon. It’s the third funeral I’ve ever been to.

This morning the last thing I wanted to do was teach a class. I had a meltdown in my first class because the students were so out of it and unresponsive. I basically bullied them into talking and said that class had to be better than the funeral I was going to today. It was such a train wreck.

I have a stack of papers that I haven’t touched all week. It seems so insignificant in the scheme of things.